People in your dreams.
“You say that everything and everyone in a dream represents a part of the dreamer. I can see how the unicorn in my dream represents my magical thinking, and how the dark, brooding thundercloud portrays my pent-up anger. But I’m having difficulty seeing my partner, Neil, who is also in this dream, as a part of myself. I didn’t realise how angry I was with Neil until I had this dream. I’m thundercloud-angry with him, and I’m trying to hold that back and be more unicorn-positive with him. Surely my dream is about my relationship with Neil. I can’t see how he represents a part of myself. Neil is Neil, and this dream has helped me to understand our relationship.”
I made up this example based on a question people frequently ask when they begin to explore their dreams. They can get their heads and hearts around seeing the more surreal symbols as aspects of themselves, but surely – they ask – don’t the people in their dreams represent the relationships or issues they have with them?
Let’s break it down.
A unicorn will have different meanings in different people’s dreams, as will a thundercloud. There are tools and techniques you can use to discover the meaning of the personal symbols in your dreams. I chose symbols for this example that are easily relatable – the unicorn and the thundercloud – so that we can focus on the question of Neil.
Our dreamer – let’s call her Kris – is satisfied with her understanding of her dream: trying to buoy Neil up with positive, magical thinking while letting her anger eat away at her is unhealthy, for herself, and for the relationship. She can use this new awareness to forge healthy changes.
But if she now looks at Neil in her dream as representing a part of herself, she can reap additional deeper insight.
“What three words would you use to describe Neil’s personality or approach to life?” I, the dream analyst, might ask.
“Talented, lacks confidence, holds back,” she might reply. “He seems unhappy at work. He could be more proactive about finding a job more suited to his talents. He’s missing so many opportunities. It makes me angry.”
These things may well be true. Or Neil may not be as talented as Kris imagines him to be. She may picture him as holding back, but he may be biding his time because he has another plan. He may be more content with his work than Kris realises.
Kris sees Neil through the lens of her own life experiences, through the lens of her mindset, beliefs, and emotions. Hers is the eye of the beholder. Her dream reveals the eye and mind of the beholder: the various parts of herself.
Typically, it turns out that Kris is angry with an unconscious part of herself that is talented, or lacking in confidence, or holding back, or missing opportunities. A part of herself that she represses (her shadow). A part of herself that she disowns. A part of herself that she sees in Neil, or projects onto him.
Neil, in her dream – not the real Neil, her partner – represents a part of herself that is talented, or lacking in confidence, or holding back, or missing opportunities.
As Kris brings the full range of dream interpretation tools and techniques into play, she can discover more about this part of herself: when it came into being, why she tries to keep it buried, how it affects the way she sees other people, and how powerfully it exerts its influence in her life no matter how deeply it resides in her unconscious mind.
See how far we’ve travelled with this fictional example?
Kris has moved from discovering a helpful insight into her relationship with Neil (a great starting point!) to gaining deep insight into a part of herself that affects not only her relationship with Neil but the very lens through which she experiences the world. Dream alchemy and dream therapy can help her to bring this part of herself out of the shadows, to acknowledge how angry she has been with it and find compassion for the beautiful, complex person she is. She can negotiate with and transform this part of herself to effect positive change in her world. (Perhaps grounded positive change rather than a more unicorn-tinged approach.) She is likely to gain confidence in her own talents and stop holding back.
And the real Neil? Who knows? He may be released from the burden of Kris’s projections. He may be inspired by the way she steps out into the world. Oh, that’s right: there is no real Neil, this was a fictitious example designed to help people understand why everything and everyone in a dream represents a part of the dreamer. I hope it has delivered.
PS: Our dreaming minds can get very creative with the way they people our dreams. A dream figure named Baker might draw your attention to what you’re ‘baking’ metaphorically. Others might represent archetypal aspects of us: the inner witch, inner mother, inner student and so on. This subject is covered in more depth in my courses.
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